Irks & Quirks

THE RULES

2011-07-14T19:22:00.001-04:00

Gettting along in life and being accepted by others depends to a large extent on knowing and following the “secret” rules. I say secret becasue no one is going to tell you what they are, and if you ask, the existence of The Raules will be denied and you wil be deemd wierd and crazy. They are never to be spoken of – clocked in adamant denial by th epurveyors of them.
Demonstrating knowledge of these secret rules is part of how the herd designates outsiders and keeps them out. Society is composed of group of rule followers. Those who do not know and follow the unspoken rules are cst aside. They do not belong. Some of this casting aside may have value – as in pedofiles and murders, etc. But for most people it just simply means that one is not accepted by the click.
In general people are very big on rules and they like people who follow the rules. There are rules for everything. Those who are independent, creative. Thinkers, automatically do not fit in. In the most benign form this culling protects society and individuals from dangers. In the most dangerous form it creat4es separation and squashes individuality , intelligence and invention. In general the innovators, sicnetists , thinkers and leaders of the4 past , without whom we would not be where we are today, were condemed, critcized and faced much resistance becasue they dared to think diferently from the “pack.”
So dare to think diffferently. Dare to think at all. Consider alternative perspectives, ponder possbilitis and consequences, seek new and innovative ideas and dare to be yourself independent of the herd norm. Without this individualaity there is no spark to life.

The New Poor

2011-06-16T18:06:00.001-04:00

We live in a very spoiled age with generations of spoiled people. Poor used to have a different meaning. I know several people who now are out of work and have been for a while. They have constant worries and cannot pay their rent, yet they have air conditioning, iphones, high speed internet, cable and satellite tv, take mini vacations, even with the high cost of gasoline, and never, ever, ever go without their drugs: cigarettes, booze or whatever. That is a heck of a way to be poor. My heart bleeds.

Irritable on Mother's Day

2011-05-08T19:55:00.000-04:00

I am not a mother and have never wanted to be, yet I have been receiving random mother's day greetings from complete strangers since I was a teenager! For one, to say that to a teen is highly inappropriate. To say it to me now is still inappropirate. It implies that because I am female and have a uterus, I am simply obligated and expected to be popping out babies. I find that a vulgar thought. I am not a baby machine, but rather an individual with a mind, free thought and free will, and it is within my right to choose NOT to have babies; and withoput the assumption being shoved down my throat at every opportunity, that I am automatically supposed to be doing just that.

Aside from the mindless strangers, there are plenty of well-meaning friends who wish me happy mothers day with the expectation that I should be happy for the holiday greeting and acknolegement . . . ackowledgement of what? My uterus! There is nothing to be appreciated in having something wished upon you that you do not want. Please respect our rights to NOT be mothers if we so choose.

On the other side of the coin, if you are one of the people who does this, you may be wishing that on someone who desperately wants it and cannot conceive, or who has lost a child, and such heartless, flippant greetings surely bring much pain. Please be mindful and considerate.

Move to the Right!

2011-02-14T15:32:00.000-05:00

There are basic social contracts already in place, yet I seem to be caught in some warped spot in the nation where the majority of people are mindless of these. For one: move to the right! This is not Britain. We do not drive on the left side of the road, we do not enter the left door, and we do not walk on the left side of corridors and aisleways - step to the right people!

I hate it when in traffic inside a store I crowd to the right side, which I am already on, to make it clear that I am making as much room as possible for people to move by on my left - where there is all of this space. In spite of all of the excess room there, in spite of the fact that I have moved over more, in spite of the fact that it is not normal to move to the left as the oncomer is trying to do, and it is really impolite to crowd someone and push past them, these socially challenged people insist on aiming for the place where there is NO room, separating me from the side of a wall or display to squeeze between me and whatever, instead of simply and politely moving to the other side - the correct side - their right side.

This should not need be said! Unbelieveable and yet a constant annoyance!

About Time Someone Delivered the Message

2009-09-03T22:08:00.000-04:00

http://news.aol.com/article/man-slaps-child-in-walmart/653392

There is a story in the news about a man taking action to discipline an unruly toddler in a Wal-Mart. There is a big deal being made about the man's actions. I have heard on the news that he slapped the child, slapped the child several times and I also heard that he scolded her. In any case someone finally did something about ill behaved children in public places, in which the parents are irresponsible. I wish they would mention that in the news - that a lot of people are fed up with the spoiled, inconsiderate, irresponsible and unmannered parents that do not teach their children any manners and do not make them behave in public. Truely, if the cannot behave in public, they should not be allowed in public. That is how it was with those of us who were taught manners as children. If we wanted to go out in public we had to behave. I find it deplorable that anyone allow their kids to misbehave at home, bbut it is unacceptable to subject innocent bystanders in public placed to their obnoxious brats - and lets be honest - it is their fault that the kids are like that. So they need to be accountable and if they want to raise brats, keep them home and away from the rest of us.

Customer Service Hall of Shame 2009

2009-07-24T19:47:00.000-04:00

And this is a lot of what this column is about . . customer no service and the things they do to irk, take or money and waste our time, while they explout our good faith and loyalty towards those we patronize. (This column is about companies AND people who do this). (Ecuse . . .blog. In the old days it was called a colum, though really the same thing.

Here is the top 10 worst customer serving companies from the just published MSN hall of shame - here they are in order beginning with the most abhorent lack of customer service.

1. Citigroup
2. Bank of America
3. Abercrombie
4. Qwest
5. HSBC
6. Time Warner Cable
6. Capital One
7. Sprint Nextel
8. Comcast
9. AOL

I am truly shocked that T-Moble is not on the list. People who have deal with them are probbaly to busy with their lawyers to complain to the media - as I was when I tried to get out of their money grubbing theiving claws.

Then there is Toyota. Now, although this was a long time ago, I will have nothing to further do with any company that rips a custoemr off for several thousand dollars over and above the cost of the vehicle, and turns a deaf ear and cold shoulder, takling adavantage of those of us who lack the capital for high powered legal teams. No matter what a three month old, brand new car, maintained normally and under nothing but normal wear and tear should not have th engine blow up out of the blue. And what about that $2,500 cash plan I bought that was supposed to cover anything that the manufacturer's warranty did not. Ping pong - each one throwing responsibility to the other. It should have been covered under the manufacturer becasue anythign put together correctly won't just blow up. I had that added protectoin to, but they hung me out to dry with a several thousand dollar rep[air bill adn paying for my own rental car while I waited three full months for a new engine from California. Toyota is forever a dog.

Alltel
These guys rented me a cell phone while traveling and lied about the rates. When I got the bill for my nominal usage it was $2,000!

Taking care of customers used to be a thing of pride - and earned renewed and referred business. Now they know that even though there is competition you have to choose one of them and all of them have more than adequate market share, so what do they care.

Anyone else got comapny/service horror stories? Please share them here. Take your opportunity to vent (language please!) and let the world know what jerks they are. Help us not fall into the same trap.

Annonymous Phone Calls / Messages

2009-05-13T12:19:00.000-04:00

Don't you just hate getting voice messages from an unknown nuber that demand that you call that or some other number without evening saying who it is, what company they are with or why they are calling and what the heck they want to waste your time for?

If I do not know who it is or why they are calling, why should I bother? Well, I shoudn't and I don't. Let that be a lesson to anyone who actually wants a call back.

What it also annoying though does not tick me off like the one above, is people who call and ask for a call back, but do not leave a call back number. True in this technological age, e can usually get the number from the caller ID or stored in a cell phone. But just in case the return number is different, or if the call is routed through a swtichboard, or if the caller has their number blocked from view or any otehr reason - leave the number. In any case, don't o and make us look it up - unless you realy do not want a call back.

PET PEEVE: Flakes

2009-04-10T17:51:00.000-04:00

Ok, so since I mentined it, I will go on and talk about flakes, flakiness, flakey people. Flakey people are the ones who you just cannot rely on to mean what they say, say what they mean or do what they say they will do. About the only thing I could count on from my flakey ex-friends was that I could count on them to never do what they were supposed to, what they said they would do, be where they said they would be when they said they would. I could count on them to reneg on everything and flake out always at the last minute with no warning. This is a flake. This is what flakey is.

Flakey people like to criticize me and call me "ridgid", "uptight" or inflexible. To me it is just basic manners to meeting someone when you say you will, to follow through on plans and invitations, to thank people for gifts and simply to keep your word - to be a responsible, reliable person.

People have the right to be themsleves, so I am just saying that this does not play well with me. oil and water do not mix.

PET PEEVES: Contradiction

2009-04-10T17:46:00.000-04:00

Don't you just hate it when someone tells you something and it is very clear what they said, and then at a later point in time, albeit one minute later or one year late they espouse something contrary to what was just said. Sometimes I feel like every single utterance must be set down in writing and signed and notarized. I cannot stand someone going back on what they said, changing their story or not keeping their word. Sometimes they claim that they never said that. Sometimes they claim they said someting similar but a bit of a variance, and sometimes they claim that they said something totally different. Sometimes they claim complete amnesia of the event. I have a very good memory and understand English so I find this business unsavory and strikes me of game playing. If it is completely innocent, then it strikes me as flakey, and that is another pet peeve.

Cell Phones Again - An Addiction

2009-04-10T17:43:00.001-04:00

I noticed in the gym today as I was working out, all of the people with cell phones to their ears as they did the same. Not even an ear piece - the whole phone. I am not just taking about taking a break and talking on the phone, or even yapping while on the treadmill. I mean lifting weights and yapping and one guy was on the court with a basketball in one hand and a phone in the other yapping.

Somme people should just have the things implanted permamently! These people are as addicted as nicotine addicts to smoking and crack ho's to crack.

PET PEEVES: Repeating Myself

2009-04-05T17:14:00.000-04:00

It seems to me that most of what comes out of my mouth must be repeated . . . repeatedly - because people do not listen. They do not pay attention. So, when I say something and they immediately ask what I said (even though it was readily availble to them the first time) I say it again and yet once again they failed to apprehend the utterance and ask me to repeat it again. The repetiion could end here . . or it could just go on like this.

What is the purpose of giving the message again, when they are not listening and will not get it the second or third time because if they intended to get it, they would have gotten it the first time.

If they insist on pretenting that they want to listen (which takes just as much effort or more than just listening in the first place) or if I really need to get the message across (The ketchup is by your LEFT hand!), I find I mut hold eye contact close to their face, speak slowly and deliberately and with emphasis (THE KETCHUP - IS BY - YOUR - LEFT - HAND!) Did you get it THAT time?

This IRK also cross-falls under the same category of wasting my time and effort.

Doctors

2008-06-16T15:47:00.003-04:00

To make an appt they required all personal info, including insurance and SSN prior. They then called to get me to bring enough money for a $200 plus procedure -even though my copay is only $45 and I had not even been seen and I had not consented to an invasive procedure!
Upon arrival they demanded that I sign giving them cart blanch consent, in advance, for now nad all future visits, to any procedure the doctor wanted to do adn my agreement to pay for whatever she wanted to do (blank check) without it being discussed with me, or need demonstrated, anytime, without any justification or my "informed" consent.
Does this doc think we are all stupid guinea pigs, there for her pleasure nad to fill her wallet?
Becasue I would not agree to anything so foolish they refused to honor my appointment, wasting my time, effort and need I mention - gas money.
Unethical, dishonest and probably illegal!

Impolite Questions

2007-05-20T14:40:00.002-04:00

People used to know that there are just some things that you do not ask. If the person with whom one is talking wants to share that informatoin he or she will voluntarily do so without prompting. Otherwise - don't!

Sometimes it is not that there is anything wrong with the information itself, but rahter that some information is personal and appropriate for close kindred, not to be bantered about in the general public. Of course a problem associated with this is that many peole today assume a familiarity with a person where there is none, or where there is they take the liberty of assuming far too much familiarity - more than that to which they are entitled. Many peole feel that if they are family (some family are that close - your immediate family) or just by being friends at all then there should be mo boundaries between you and them. Wrong! Respect pthers privacy, repsect their boundaries and when they indicate that they are reticient to discuss someting , balk or otherwise try to decline - allow them to - it is their right!

Some heinous examples:

Forced Familiarity
Prevous blog on phoning - callers, customer service representatives and other complete strangers immediately address a person by the first name when they have not even been introduced. A person shoudl be addressed with the name which they give yo in the introdution. To call them something other than what they asked you to call them is rude. To call them by first name when you do not knwo them and particularly when you have not even introduced yourself is a major slap in the face. Many companies have trained employees to use the first name to try to create familiarity. What they neglect is that one should not force familiarity on someone! It is rather like being raped. Likewise taking the liberty of calling a person what you want to call them , instead of what they asked to be called is quite disrespectul.

How Old Are You?
It used to be well known that this is just unacceptable, unless you have a legitimate need to know (medical doctor, for example). It is just not done! Yet, people keep doing it. People who are mere aquaintances, people who are colleagues, people whom I have literally just met, and people who are complete and utterstrangers feel it is their God-given right to be privy to the personal information of others. They do so with impunity!

Do You Have Any Children?
Now, if you really know me, you would probably know the answer to this. If you do not know me, you shoud not ask. If we are both by mutual agreement engaged in the process of activity gettgin to know one another then a certain level of permission has been given. When you first meet someone, you do not have the right to pry. This is just coarse.

Telephone Woes

2007-05-20T14:40:00.001-04:00

I am not Emily Post and there are a lkot fo books available on fancy dinners, writing proper thank you notes and that sort of thing. I am not talking about any of that. What ever happened to common courtesy, everyday horse sense and a little respect. I admit I am no goody two shoes, especially when confronted with a situation or person pushing my buttons. My mother taught me that if I am polite with others, they will be so with me. She did not teach me what to do when they are not - and often they are not. Just as I may not always respond in the most appropriate way at such times, due to lack of training in that area, many people do nto behave well, not due to ill will but due to lack of training - in that area, whatever it may be. Nevertheless, some things just really get to me.

My serious manners irks fall into two categories largely 1) what I percieve is disrespectful and 2) what adversely impacts my productivity (lack of respect for time and protocol). Here are some expamples of problems with telephoning.

Not Knowing How to Properly Make a Call
For example most of the phone calls I receive start off quite poorly. Typically the phone rings, I answer and the person on the other end blurts, "Are you (first name)" or "Can I speak to (first name)?"

I may respond with "May I ask who is calling?" *which I should not have to as it is ever so improper to call and not identify oneself right away). If I respond "This is she," the caller often just starts jabbering away, making no sense to me, as the person has not told me their name, their company (if there is one) or their purpose in calling. It would also be appropriate and appreciate to provide how they received my name and phone number. (I really should not have to ask such things!).

Sometimes a person will call me him and ask me for my name, again without identifying himself, who he is with, how he got my number and reason for calling.

Not Being Prepared to Speak When Calling
I am surprised at how many people just seem to pick up the phone and dial without having a clue what they are going to say when someone answers or how they are going to discuss what they called to discuss. Often they may not even pay attention after they dial, leaving the person on the other end repeating "hello, . . . hello. . hello" and finally they wake up and just start babbling. (No introduction or anything of course!). So, if you are going to call someone, pay attention and respond immediately when the person answers. Next respond appropirately.

Another telephone peeve is calling at inapproprate hours. The phone should not be ringing after 9:00pm, nor too early in the morning, unless the caller has been given express permission to do so by the callee.

Call Waiting. This one is quite annoying. The metamessage being communicated when one person puts another on hold during a conversation is "you are not important enough, any call coming in is more important! Need I say more. Putting a caller on hold is feature designed for switchboards and busy executives who can have secretarys help handle the calls and callers. If you are in your home and having a private conversation - don't. The exception is a true emergency - which is not a nail salon appointment, or the latest gossip with your friend. Emergency is like when someone is in the hospital, or something dire. As far as I am concerned, if our conversation is not important enough for you to continue it, then we don;t need to be talikng. Likewise if you are so addicted to telephones that everytime a bell rings or a cell tine sounds you go salivating like Pavlov's dog, then your drooling self needs to depart from me.

Introductoin to Irks & Quirks

2007-05-20T14:40:00.000-04:00

There are many things in the world, mostly dealing with our fellow man, that just drive us crazy. Don't these people know or care about the effect they are having on others? We sometimes need to vent, and we want someone to listen and care. More than just getting a chance to say what is on your mind (there are other places to do that), it is my hope that we can also offer constructive input into making the world a better place. At least it is my hope that one can find a sympathetic audience here.

That being said, I will start with three of my great irritations (after that I am sure many days will provide the opportunity for many small ones as well). I will start in each and feel free to add your two cents worth.